For starters there is no right or wrong way here. It is only a personal decision, based upon what works for each couple. Now….
We have had conversations with future couples when they come in for the consult and discuss this very subject they will say we were at our friends wedding or in a wedding that the photographer they used was great, BUT, that they had taken too long to complete the formal posed photos after the ceremony. When I have asked I have gotten answers like “AN HOUR” can you believe that?!” We do not want our wedding photographs to take so long. Then the explaining that an hour is perfectly normal if there were approximately 10 groupings for the formals. I further explain that it can take as long as four to five minutes per grouping, depending on the complexity of the groups and whether everyone was on task. Weddings can be a bit like organized chaos. No, it’s true. Really.. So, four and one half minutes x 10 groupings equals approximately 45 minutes. I will explain the other 15 minutes in just a moment. The size of the the groupings (head count) and how well everyone stays on task are two driving factors as to whether things go as scheduled or not.. I explain that IF the bride and groom are not seeing each other before the ceremony AND if there are 10 or more group shots to be taken, an hour is actually very good. Typically, the photographer does not set the pace for the photos, despite what many people think. There are some things that even the photographer cannot control. For instance; the best man and one of the groomsmen slip away for a smoke, or worse, a drink and a smoke, or little Johnny needs to use the restroom, or the flower girl is very upset and does not want her photo taken, or the guests insist on taking their own photographs, or etc, etc, etc. By the way, these have all happened at weddings we photographed. Additionally, we have to keep in mind that the bride and groom usually spend at least 10 to 15 minutes together, alone, just after the ceremony. The reason being is twofold: First, the images captured in those few minutes are usually the best of the entire day. Actually, these photos will often be the best of their entire lives together. At what other time will they have such powerfully charged emotions for each other AND have a professional photographer to capture them? Second, this is their day and they should get some time together, alone, without others watching. Do you think that the couple deserves a few minutes alone when just newly married? Can you see how powerful and awesome those photographs can be? Years from then, these images will invoke those emotions time and again. Is this not the reason that we photograph our weddings? General photos of the day are highly desired. We need them to remember our wedding day, right? Yet, the images captured of a stolen kiss and of the incredible love and energy that we wear on our sleeves for those few moments are priceless. That is why our clients hire us.
Back to the subject at hand; I then explain that there is only so much time on any wedding day and only so many opportunities to complete the many tasks that play out. Think about it is something special about seeing the groom watch his bride walk down the aisle for the first time. First, all eyes are on the bride, not the groom. Additionally, we will put the groom on the spot and make him more nervous than he already is. If that is not enough, we do not give him the opportunity to spend the first moments he sees his new bride to be, alone with her, and share that special moment just between themselves? In other words, it is more important that all present at the wedding get to share that moment with them, than it is for them to spend this very intimate moment alone? Our couples that did see each other before the ceremony, not a single one, even those that originally thought they would not see each other, had a any regrets about doing so. In fact, each of them were outwardly overjoyed about it. With these couples, we were able to take the formal group shots before the ceremony. The amount of time saved after the ceremony is a gift to their guests. How many weddings have you attended where the newly married couple kept everyone waiting an hour or more? One thing that we do not want is to have to rush through the formal photographs. Why? Because it shows in the pictures, it is stressful, and after the ceremony, everyone always wants to get to the reception to eat, celebrate and have fun. Posed photographs are family heirlooms. As such, they should be the best they possibly can, which requires appropriating the required time to do them right.
Sometimes people do things traditionally just because it is, well, tradition. Often times when I ask brides and grooms why it is that they have not considered spending this very intimate first meeting together, alone, rather than in front of everyone in attendance at their wedding, usually the response goes something like this: “well, I don’t know… just because… isn’t that the way it is supposed to be done?… we haven’t thought of it this way… etc.”
We can reassure you, a couple that did see each other before, and from the many couples we have had as clients that chose to see each other before the ceremony, it works, it always is special for the couple, it is a nice thing for their guests, the images captured are always awesome and they (we) never regretted it. Oh, and if you are thinking that it will spoil your walk down the aisle, forget it. It isn’t going to happen. He will feel even more elated to see you walk down the aisle. He will not be able to wait to marry you. In fact, it means more to the groom. He will be more relaxed and able to enjoy watching his beautiful bride walk down the aisle. The guests will be just as impressed with the brides grand entrance, as will the groom.
Imagine leaving your guests feeling as though yours was the best wedding they had ever attended because they were not kept waiting for an hour or more between the ceremony and reception. Imagine how great the photos will be because there was no rushing the formal group shots this way as a photographer am able to capture the very moment when your groom sees you for the first time, and it is more than just a single shot. These images are very powerful.
In the end, it is your choice and you should do what is right for you. That is what we tell all of our clients. But, and you knew there was going to be a but, right? But, not seeing each other just because that is the way it is always done should at least give rise to, “what if we…”
